It's Never too Late to Forgive
by roundin3rd
Summary: When something so small causes Pacey and Joey to make life-altering decisions, an unlikely person will help them through their difficult time, as it is never too late to reconcile the past. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This story is told entirely from Pacey's point of view. I hope you like it.  
  
My father and I weren't on good speaking terms during that time in my life. Joey and I had gotten married a year earlier, and hadn't heard from him since. My mother was fine. She would call us about once a week to catch up on things and just to chat. She never once mentioned my father wanting to talk to us or wanting to know what was going on.  
  
We were only in Boston, a whole two hours away from Capeside. I don't think it would matter if we were five hours away, he still wouldn't want to talk to us.  
  
Then there was last Thanksgiving, our one weak attempt to reconcile. Joey and I had decided to invite my parents to our place for dinner, which was a mistake from the beginning.  
  
Thanksgiving, by definition, is supposed to be time to give thanks and celebrate being together as a family. But to my father, who decided to have too many drinks, it was an open invitation to bash the meal my wife had spent the entire day slaving over to make perfect.  
  
My father's stupid smart-ass remark about the food blew me over the top and well; it didn't end happily ever after. I ended up kicking him out, while ignoring the pleads from my mother.  
  
We drove down to Capeside on Christmas to go to the Leery's Christmas Eve Party. It was great, everyone came and it was nice to catch up on the events in our friends' lives. I managed to steer clear of my childhood house and the occupants inside it.  
  
My mother did call us the next day to wish us a Merry Christmas and to somewhat apologize for my father's behavior a month before, (we hadn't spoken since the incident.) As almost expected, there were no gifts from my father, and I didn't get him anything either.  
  
The first months of the year ran slow. I started a new job as a chef in Cambridge, which took some getting used to.  
  
This is where I begin my story of the most stressful, painstaking, and powerful time period of my life. It all started on that windy night in March, when I was hit with the news that would change my life forever. 


	2. Chapter 2

I'll never forget that day, work was busy so I got home later that I usually did. I opened the door and the great smell of pot roast filled the room. Yup, my lovely wife had spent the afternoon preparing an impressive dinner for the two of us.  
  
I walked over to her, "wow that smells amazing." I said as I kissed her. "Hm, wait until you taste it." She said. I walked into the dining room and noticed that the table was beautifully decorated, with lit candles and the fancy plates we only used for special occasions.  
  
I walked, puzzled, back into the kitchen. "Is there something happening today that I forgot about?" I asked. "Here can you put this on the table?" She handed me a steaming bowl of carrots and potatoes. At that point your guess was as good as mine to what was happening.  
  
I set the bowl down on the table and Joey walked in with the boat of gravy and the tray of boneless chuck beef. She had an unusual glow to her. Her face, she was radiant, and really cheerful. "What's with all of this did I- ?" She cut me off with a kiss, "You'll find out." She said.  
  
I looked at the food and my mouth started to water. We sat down to eat and there was an odd silence and the small smile never left Joey's face. "Ok, you have to tell me what is up with you." I blurted out. She smiled and moved closer to me. "Well," she began, "I have some good news Pace." "Oh wait let me guess you just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance by switching to Geico right?" I joked. Joey laughed, "hm, no." "Then what is it?" I asked.  
  
She took a deep breath and took my hand. My mind was racing to find an answer to what she was going to say to me next. "Well," she paused, "today I went to the doctor's and found out that I'm, I'm pregnant Pace, we're going to have a baby." My mind went blank for a split second as I processed the reality of the situation. "A b-baby that's, that's fantastic, this is great." I reached over and hugged Joey.  
  
"Hm, we're going to be parents Pace." She said to me. I pulled her closer to me. "Yeah I guess we are huh?" I kissed her forehead, "I love you Jo." "I love you too Pacey." She said.  
  
***  
  
I stayed up late that night, stumbling around and looking at old picture albums. I was going to be a dad, and I didn't know how to feel. I felt happy, excited, nervous and restless all at the same time.  
  
A picture of the two of us when we were little caught my attention. It was taken in Joey's rowboat the day she got it. Dawson, Joey and I went out in it on the creek that day. I sat in my reclining chair thinking back on all of our childhood memories, and about what was coming.  
  
We were going to have a baby, a whole other life to take care of. I closed the photo album and walked down the hall to our room. Joey was sleeping peacefully. I silently crept over to the bedside and tucked a strand of her golden brown hair behind her ear.  
  
It was at that moment I new I was ready for it. I was ready to raise a kid and I was excited. I would teach him to play baseball and to use good manners and anything else he needed to know, I would teach it to him. Yeah, I was really ready and I couldn't wait for the moment that I would hold him for the first time, and look into his eyes knowing that somehow, remarkably I helped create a life.  
  
That sent shivers up my spine. 


	3. Chapter 3

The next two months went by in a blur. After notifying all of our family and friends we went to the doctor's at seven weeks for the first ultrasound. I will admit, I was a little nervous. The last time I had been in a hospital was when Jen died, which was a difficult time in all of our lives.  
  
On our drive to the hospital, we held hands in the car feeling each other's anticipation and nervousness. Joey's appointment was at ten-thirty and we got there around quarter past.  
  
The waiting room was empty, so we sat together anticipating the meeting with the doctor. As we sat there waiting, a faint baby cry echoed down the hall. I smiled and nudged Joey's shoulder, she smiled back.  
  
We were called down moments later, to room eight I remember, to meet with Joey's obstetrician. Again we sat waiting, but for a shorter time than before. Then he walked in, "Hello Joey." He said cheerfully. "Hello Dr. Greenberg, this is my husband Pacey," I shook his hand. "Nice to meet you, James Greenberg." His handshake was strong as he nodded to me.  
  
I watched quietly as through the exam, until we had to walk to another room to get the first ultrasound. I could see the anxious feeling in Joey's face, her face was glowing and she gripped my hand tighter.  
  
I remember it perfectly. Joey was told to sit in a chair and she slowly reclined back. I watched as the doctor rubbed a thick gooey thick gel onto Joey's stomach. She made a funny face and stuck her tongue out. "Oo, it's cold." She said. "This will just take a few minutes." The doctor said.  
  
My eyes were glued to the television screen to make out any picture at all. But all I could see was a mixed mass of black and gray until the doctor spoke up. "Ok, there it is right there." He said as he pointed to the smallest white dot you could possibly see. I chuckled to myself as I blurted out, "that's it?"  
  
"Wow, there's it's first picture Pace." Joey said to me. I smiled and took her hand, She was right, it really was an amazing sight, if I could see it or not.  
  
***  
  
After the appointment, I took Joey out to lunch at Giacomo's, our favorite restaurant to have lunch.  
  
After we had finished, I couldn't stop thinking about how this would change my life. Joey was glowing; as much as she tried, she couldn't hide it.  
  
***  
  
Again that night I lay awake in bed with my arm around my wife; one, thinking about how my hours of sleep would be drastically cut down and two, I started to think about possible names.  
  
Yes, even to this day I still do not know where my parents got 'Pacey' from.  
  
I liked Ryan, John, Andrew, anything really. I didn't know what names Joey liked; we hadn't really discussed it yet.  
  
Joey stirred next to me. I looked over at her and kissed her forehead. My eyes started to feel heavy; I slowly shut my eyes, and fell asleep within minutes to Joey's relaxing and rhythmic breathing. 


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Thanks to Stacey and Erin for reviewing my story. It is very much appreciated!!!  
  
*3 and a half months later*  
  
Twins. We went in to get a second ultrasound at 14 weeks and found out that Joey was pregnant with twins. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that this wonderful dream come true had doubled. My heart started racing when I saw two heads, and two bodies on the ultrasound. Joey's ear- to-ear smile couldn't be matched; she was thrilled.  
  
***  
  
This all happened around the end of June and Dawson had invited us to a cookout on the 4th of July at his new house he built in Hyannis. On that Saturday holiday weekend morning we packed our clothes and bathing suits and drove down to the Cape. As I drove I rolled down the window, let the ocean wind run through my hair and smelled the sweet salty sea air. Boy, did I miss it.  
  
"This is going to be a exciting weekend huh?" Joey said. "Yeah, it should be fun." I said. It'll be great to see everybody." She said. "Yeah, Dawson told me he's thinking about having a clam bake on the beach." "Oh yeah?" Joey said. "Yeah, we'll have to dig a huge hole for the pit." I said.  
  
"Um, isn't right around here?" I asked as we passed Craigsville Beach. Joey pulled out a piece of paper. "It says after we pass the beach there's a sharp right and then Meadow Ave is immediately on your right." She read to me. I turned the corner and drove onto a narrow dirt road.  
  
"Is this it?" I asked. "Yeah I guess so, it says Meadow Ave right on the sign." Joey said. "Okay then, what number is it?" "He's number 34, there it is right there." She said. "Hm, Dawson, nothing short of spectacular." I said, as I gaped at the gigantic house.  
  
We pulled into the driveway and I tooted the horn. We got out of the car and I grabbed the bags in the back of the car as Dawson came out of the house. "Hey guys it's good to see you." Dawson said as he enveloped Joey into a big hug. He stepped back, "Look at you!" "You look great!"  
  
I stepped over and gave my friend a hug. "Hey Dawson, how are you?" "I'm great here, let me give you a hand with that." He said. "Oh, thanks." We walked down the driveway and up the steps to the house.  
  
I was overwhelmed when I got inside. The house was beautiful; there were no other words to describe it. Dawson's Escalade threw me, but the kitchen was huge and had marble countertops, a huge refrigerator, and the living room was enhanced with all the latest and high tech video and sound equipment. I stood in awe until Joey tapped me on the arm. "This is incredible." She whispered to me.  
  
"Uh, this is your room over here." Dawson led us over to a room next to the kitchen. "Make your self at home, Andie and Jack and everyone should be here soon." He left the room and shut the door down. "Pace, this place is amazing." "Yeah no kidding, did ya see the BMW and the Escalade outside?" "Woo."  
  
"He said he had his own private beach." She said. "Hm, seems directing been berry, berry good to him." I said. Joey laughed, "I'll say so."  
  
***  
  
Andie, Jack, Doug, Amy and Andie's boyfriend, Mike got there shortly after us. Dawson introduced us to his girlfriend, Sarah, who was very nice. Then everyone walked down to Dawson's section of the beach and sat sunning and Joey and I went swimming, amazed at how warm the water was for this time of year.  
  
We ate dinner out on the patio that had a great view of the ocean. While chatting we told our friends that we found out Joey was pregnant with twins, they were ecstatic. Andie was thrilled and she wouldn't stop asking questions about names and such.  
  
***  
  
We turned in early and we lay in bed with our arms wrapped around each other. "We had a good day huh?" I said. "Yeah it was really fun." "I never knew Jack could swim that fast." She chuckled. I laughed, "Yeah he was funny." "Amy's so cute, she got so big." Joey said. "Hey, I was thinking about making a big breakfast tomorrow morning." I said. "For everybody?" Joey asked. "Yeah, why not?" "I'll make scrambled eggs and pancakes, whatever you want." "Hm, sounds good." Joey yawned, she was starting to fade.  
  
"Go to sleep," I whispered in her ear, "tomorrow will be... awesome." I kissed her hair, "sweet dreams Joey."  
  
***  
  
I got up around 7:00am, showered, (in our own personal bathroom I might add,) and as quietly as I could, searched for pans to start cooking. The sweet smell of my, excellent, cooking, filled the house and pulled my weary and sleepy-eyed family and friends unit out of bed.  
  
"Mmm, Pace, this is incredible." Dawson said with his mouth full. "Yeah Pace I'd have to agree, it's outstanding." Jack said. "Thanks, just remember there's plenty more if anyone wants some." I said. "Pace, sweetheart, how come you don't make big breakfasts like this at home huh?" Joey asked. "Well honey, you never asked me to." I smiled at her and leaned in for a kiss.  
  
***  
  
We all headed down to the beach, shovels in hand to start digging the pit for our clambake. The women graciously sat in their reclining beach chairs as we, the men, broke our backs trying to dig the stupid hole. Andie pulled off her sunglasses, "Uh, hey shouldn't it be bigger?" She asked. "Yeah, and rounder." Sarah added. And Joey threw in her criticism, "Pace, honey I don't think you're digging deep enough."  
  
"Not digging deep enough?" I said with a cocked eyebrow. She grinned at me.  
  
***  
  
Later on, Jack and Doug went to the store to buy the clams and the snacks. Dawson and Sarah went in search of some sparklers and fireworks of our own. Andie and Mike stayed down at the beach. Joey and I made a fruit salad and stayed to watch Amy.  
  
"What time are they starting the fireworks?" Joey asked me. "Um, I don't know, they'll probably wait until it gets dark." I answered. We sat out on the deck while Amy was playing with her toys next to us.  
  
Amy looked over at me and flashed me a huge cute kid smile. She got up and walked over to me and handed me some of her Disney dolls. I held up one of them, "Who's this?" I asked. She looked at me, "that's Jasmine." She said quietly. "Jasmine huh?" I whispered back. I held up the other doll, "And who's this?" Amy smiled at me but didn't say anything. Joey chimed in, "That's Ariel." She said. I looked back at Amy, "is this Ariel?" She nodded at me just as I heard someone come up the stairs and came outside. It was Doug.  
  
"Hey there you are," Doug said as he scooped up Amy. "Hey we got the clams." "Dawson's home too so we're probably gonna go down uh, to the beach now." "Okay Dougie." I said. Joey smiled at me, "She's so cute." "That'll be us in six months." She said. I put my arm around her and pulled her closer. ""I can't wait." I whispered as she leaned in and kissed me.  
  
***  
  
Our pit fire lit up the entire beach. We sat for two hours before the fireworks, chowing down on clams and drinking beers, (not Joey of course). Like I had predicted, the day was awesome. The fireworks were breathtaking and tremendous as bright reds and whites illuminated the sky and sparkled over the ocean. You felt like you wanted to stand up and start signing 'America the Beautiful.'  
  
***  
  
It was a late drive home to Boston. Joey had fallen asleep next to me and I watched as the streetlights cast over her face, the light accentuated her beautiful features. I glanced at her with a smile on my face.  
  
I didn't know then that soon we would be going through the most stressful and painful time in our lives. 


	5. Chapter 5

*Sorry for not updating sooner, I was really busy and came down with a bad case of writer's block. Thanks to, Vale, Amber, Erin and Stacey for reviewing this! Ok, and on with it!*  
  
Later that month, my parents invited us over for a Sunday evening dinner. At that point the only, "congratulations" my father gave us was that we should have waited and we were to young to be going through this. I can always count on my father to bring the worst out of the best situations.  
  
On the day trip back to Capeside, we visited Bessie and Bodie, and took a walk around downtown, remembering everything we missed.  
  
***  
  
We went back to my parent's house around 4:00pm. My father was conveniently asleep in his chair while watching the Red Sox game on TV and never even heard us come in. "Hello?" I called out. My mother stuck her head out of the kitchen, "Oh hi!" She walked over and hugged us. "It's so nice to see you guys." "Oh, Joey, look at you, you look great!" "Thanks, you too." Joey said.  
  
"Oh, where is your father?" She asked. She walked into the living room, "John, john, John!" "Wake up!" She yelled. "Uh, what the?" He said as he was jerked awake. "Your son is here." "Uh, he rubbed his eyes, "you had to wake me up for that?"  
  
"Oh, John, come on, dinner's almost ready." My father got up, a beer in hand and walked toward us. "Hello, Joey how are you?" He mumbled. "Hi, Mr. Witter, I'm fine." My mother had made her famous minestrone soup, one of my favorite things she made for us.  
  
We sat at the table and there was a brief silence surrounding us. I personally did not want to talk to my father, for fear of having another screaming match. So I did my part and kept my mouth shut. In between my father's slurping my mother spoke up. "Well Joey, in all this excitement, you never told us when you're due." She said.  
  
Joey smiled, "November 7th, yeah we found out they're twin boys." "Oh, twin boys that's wonderful!" "Isn't that nice John?" My father looked up with half a bread roll in his mouth. "Uh, yeah, great, I just hope you can raise the kids." "Oh, John, I'm sure they'll do a great job." My mother said as she smiled at me. "Ah, you never know with Pacey he can't even take care of himself." He chuckled to himself, enjoying humiliating me. "Don't you worry pop, I'll be a much better father than you ever were."  
  
"Now Pacey I'm sure you'll be a great father." My mother said, trying to ease the tension of the situation. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?" He cracked at me as if he didn't already know. "Oh, please, like you care anyway." I said. "I'm not doing this." I got up and began to walk toward the door. I was ready to open it, when my father then decided to make a wise crack.  
  
"Geez, Pacey, these kids aren't gonna amount to anything are they?'" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joey put her head in her hands. I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him as a flame grew inside of me. "Don't you say one word to me right now, you son of a bitch!" "Every single time I come here I gotta deal with your stupid under the breath one liners." "You know what, I have had it!" "My entire life I have had to listen to you insult me and bash my abilities and what I have become!" "God!" "You don't know how hard you push me when you make a dumb-ass crack about my unborn children!" I said through gritted teeth. "God dammit!" I slammed the door on my way out. My father never uttered another word.  
  
***  
  
We ended up leaving about fifteen minutes later despite the pleads from my mother. I could tell Joey was upset with me by the way she stared straight ahead and had a blank look on her face. I exhaled,  
  
"Jo, I'm sorry about that." "No, you don't have to apologize, but why does this happen every single time we meet, Pacey." "Can't you just talk to him and end it between you finally?" "It's getting out of hand." "Joey, I have disagreed, argued and yelled at him for my entire life, the way I see it it's him that has to come forward and say something." "No, it's not Pacey, it's you." "You have to say something stand up and apologize an- and, finally end it between you two or,"  
  
"Or what?" I asked. She faced me, "or you're going to regret that you never forgave him and told him how he's hurt you because one day you're going to wake up and realize that's he's gone." I knew she was talking about her father. I didn't say anything back to her. I reached across the seat and took her hand, knowing that everything she said was right, I just had to figure out how to do it.  
  
***  
  
The second week in August we started shopping for the things that we needed. Of course, two kids equaled doubled the load and weighed in heavy on our tight money situation. We decided on buying one crib first and 2 car seats. We had another spare bedroom next to ours, which, at the time, was storage and we soon started cleaning it out for the kids' room.  
  
Joey wasted no time in telling me her plans for how the room should look. Over the next two weeks, we made frequent trips to Baby's R Us and other stores to buy paint and furniture. We decided on an All-Star sports theme for the room and bought shades of blue paint.  
  
Then on one Saturday morning, Joey woke up with really bad morning sickness and, well I'll just say that she spent more time in the bathroom, than she did lying in bed. She was sick for a couple of days, and her doctor instructed her to strict bed rest.  
  
On those late afternoons when Joey was asleep, I would sit out on the deck and watch the kids in the neighborhood play an evening game of baseball in the street. From our deck, you could just barely see the twinkling lights of the city. That was my favorite thing to do, sit out there and relax on a cool summer night.  
  
Joey was back to her usual self in about a week.  
  
I called Doug over one Thursday afternoon to help me paint. Of course, that day had to be right smack in the middle of record-breaking heat wave in Boston. It was sweltering hot. With two fans and just about every window opened in the house, the paint took an eternity to dry.  
  
Joey had left to go grocery shopping to get away from the paint fumes. Doug and I quit early and had a beer out in the shade of the garage.  
  
Across the street, the neighborhood kids, opened up the fire hydrant and crazily danced and splashed in the cool water. Just then, Joey drove up the driveway.  
  
"Hey, did you finish?" She asked me. I set my beer down and got up. "No we're just taking a break, it's gonna take a long time for the paint to dry in this heat." "Uh, look at you, you're all sweaty." She said to me. "Mmm- hm, sexy huh?" I joked as I kissed her and walked to the back of the car to get the groceries.  
  
"Hi, Doug." Joey said. "Hello, Joey how are you?" "Really good now, yeah I feel better than ever." "Doug! Get over here!" "Don't think that you can sit on your ass and not help." I yelled at him. "Hey, Pace, I'm on break." He said as he leaned back in the chair.  
  
I walked over to him with bags of groceries in each hand. "Yeah, you best get over there before I make you." Joey and I walked inside.  
  
"You owe me for this!" He whined at me. "Yeah right!" I called back to him.  
  
***  
  
Needless to say, the paint dried and the layout of the room came out pretty good. It was a little cramped, but still, I was proud of it. Of course Joey loved it; so much that it almost moved her to tears.  
  
September's beginning came and went as we went apple picking the first weekend and visited with our friends on Labor Day. The next week and a half went by slow. Work was getting to be a hassle with commuting and late nights.  
  
Joey started to have intense back pain and was put on some light medication by her doctor. Most nights, I'd sit with her on the couch and she'd fall asleep on my shoulder within minutes. I knew she was in pain and I wanted to be there for her in any way that I could.  
  
That feeling was put to the test on that alarming and life-altering night of September the 14th. I will never forget it; after all, it was the scariest night of my life.  
  
***  
  
Joey woke me up at 2:40 in the morning, with severe pain in her back, what turned out to be, high blood pressure and bleeding. I immediately called the hospital and I rushed her down there as fast as the explorer could take us. Joey was admitted right away.  
  
"This shouldn't be happening." She kept saying as she was wheeled down a long hallway. "Pacey, Pacey what's going on what's wrong?" "I-I don't know what's the matter, I don't,"  
  
I blanked out. Everything became a blur, and to my alarming disappointment, this frightening nightmare was all true. 


	6. Chapter 6

Ryan Patrick and Conor James Witter were born two minutes apart on September 14th, 9 weeks early. Instead of weighing a healthy, 8 pounds, Ryan weighed 2lbs 6oz and Conor weighed in at 2lbs 4oz. Ryan was born first, at 3:32 am and Conor was born at 3:34am.  
  
They were immediately rushed into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, Conor was having trouble breathing.  
  
What should have been one of those great and exciting husband moments had turned into a frightening emergency. Joey was already dilated four centimeters, and the doctors sent her in for an emergency C- section. My mind was spinning into panic mode. I threw on scrubs and never left Joey's side as they wheeled her into a big operating room.  
  
I'll never forget that moment. Joey looked at me with tears flowing down her cheeks and I whispered to her that everything was going to be all right and that we were going to stick through this together. I held her hand up to my face as I sat next to her.  
  
"Here comes number one!" The doctor shouted. I looked over and saw them carry Ryan over to a table. Still, I sat by Joey; we still had one more to come. "Joey, sweetheart, one's out and they're going to take care of him, don't worry, everything will be fine," I whispered to her. "Here's number two!" I heard the doctor yell, but as they rushed Conor over to a table, my heart stopped as I heard what they said. "Not breathing!" "He's not breathing, I need a respiratory pump over here!" "Pacey, Pacey what's going on, w-what's the matter why isn't he breathing?" Joey asked me frantically.  
  
Minutes passed before I heard a faint cry. They had to put a breathing tube in Conor and shortly after, he too was wheeled out of the room.  
  
*** The hours after they were born were probably the most painful in my life. I sat alone in a cold room as heavy rain beat against the window. Joey was taken to another room to have tests run and to recover from the surgery.  
  
My knees were shaking and most of the time I couldn't think straight. They were born 9 weeks early; they had become more statistics in premature births. Premature. That word would run through my mind for the next month.  
  
Just then, Joey was brought into the room and I stood up as she looked at me. The nurse helped her into the bed and then left us alone.  
  
Before we could say anything, a doctor came in to give us a shaky update on the condition of our sons. I couldn't help it, but my knees were shaking and I was never more scared than at that exact moment in my life.  
  
He walked over to me, "Hello, Mr. Witter my name is Dr. Lasker." He pulled a chair over next to Joey's bed and told me to sit down. The pit in my stomach grew deeper when I heard him say that. "Okay, as it stands right now, we've diagnosed Conor with respiratory distress syndrome, which is a condition that causes the lungs' air sacs to collapse due to a lack of a substance called surfactant." "There are many ways to treat it and right now we've placed Conor on a ventilator." "We are not sure right now, but Ryan may have patent ductus arteriosus." "The ductus arteriosus is a blood vessel that connects the pulmonary artery, which carries blood to the lungs and the aorta so that blood flow bypasses the lungs. "This blood vessel normally closes shortly after birth and when it doesn't, it's known as patent ductus arteriosus." "Treatment for that may be as simple as medication or even surgery."  
  
I sat there and listened as he spoke of the many diseases a premature baby could develop and what conditions Ryan and Conor had. All of the medical terms were going over my head, but I paid attention to the more serious conditions I learned that they had. He explained the NICU and the staff and equipment inside of it.  
  
I understood everything and in my mind I was shaking my head and speculating why all this was happening to us. After all Joey and I had been through, this was too big a curve ball to grasp. A voice kept echoing inside of my head saying, this isn't right, how come this is happening to us.  
  
I refused to face the reality of the situation and prayed that some miracle would stop it.  
  
***  
  
Joey and I were given permission to see them about five and a half hours after they were born. We slowly walked the halls of the hospital wing as a nurse guided in front of us. We didn't say anything to each other. Instead, I put my arm around her shoulder and she wrapped her arm around my waist and gently rested her head against me.  
  
I felt apprehensive, a feeling that I wouldn't know them, and wouldn't feel, right. It was a feeling of belonging, and whatever happened, somehow I could get through it, we could get through it, together.  
  
The NICU was a big-sized area and had many technical equipment. I took a deep breath and my heart started pounding. Joey rose off my shoulder and laced her hand through mine. Heart monitor-beeping noises quietly hummed in unison with each other, as I stood stiffly. The nurse stopped for a second to check in with the nurse in charge and she came over to speak with us.  
  
"Hi," her voice was a hushed whisper, "my name is Beth Lawlor, you're Conor and Ryan's parents right?" "Yes." I nodded. "Okay, you can come with me, they're right over here." She said and led us further down the room.  
  
Seeing them for the first time really at that moment, overwhelmed me. Ryan was laying to my left, and Conor was to my right. Both of them were lying in large warming tables. Joey released my hand and walked closer to Ryan.  
  
I walked closer to Conor. His eyes were closed and, god, there were so many tubes covering his chest. I managed to force a small smile as I moved my hand over to his and his fingers barely formed around my pinky finger.  
  
I leaned in closer to him, "Hey buddy, I'm your dad," it was the only thing I could think of to say, he was my son and I even then, I loved him with all my heart. "You're gonna get better soon, I promise." "Because you're in one of the best hospitals for babies in all of Massachusetts, yeah you-" Joey tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around. She had tears in her eyes, which she quickly wiped away and smiled at me. "Go and look at Ryan." I smiled back at her and whispered, "Okay."  
  
The atmosphere took a lot of getting used to. Every loud beeping noise made me uneasy. We spent about an hour with them and the neonatal doctor answered all of our questions. He made it clear that they would have to still run tests on them to get accurate diagnoses on everything they may have.  
  
***  
  
Back in Joey's hospital room, I lay with her in the bed and didn't say anything for a long time. Joey broke the silence.  
  
"Did you call anyone yet?" She whispered. "No." I hadn't even thought of that yet during this hard time.  
  
***  
  
That night was a long one, I couldn't sleep, and kept walking around aimlessly through the corridors. Worst of all, after running more tests on Ryan And Conor, Ryan was diagnosed with Bradycardia, a decrease in heart rate, and Apnea, which is most common in preemies.  
  
I walked past the NICU around two in the morning. I couldn't bring myself to go in. I know that sounds hard to believe, but, God, they were so small, and any little movement or staggering breath terrified me.  
  
I sauntered back to Joey's room, and sleep didn't come easy to me in the rocking chair next to the window, so I sat quietly rocking back and forth watching the day-old rain sting against the windowpane.  
  
Then a thought came into my head, an awful thing to think about, but still I wondered how we would be able to pay the medical bills. We were tight on money beforehand and with only my income, it was going to be really hard to pay the bills.  
  
***  
  
The next morning I called my mother and explained to her everything that happened, which brought her close to tears. Little did I know then, that my mother would talk some sense into my father who would soon reach one of the biggest turning points in his life. 


	7. Chapter 7

The days went by long and slow. Our days were spent between sitting in a lonely hospital room, and comforting Ryan and Conor in the NICU. They were still too small and too sick to hold. Most of the time I held out my finger and touched their tiny baby hands.  
  
My mother visited the hospital a few days before, without my father, whose convenient excuse was that he had to work, "protecting the citizens of the town." Most days I didn't think about his pathetic existence. If he couldn't take a day out of his waste of time that he called his life, to see his grandchildren, who were gravely sick, I didn't want to know him.  
  
***  
  
After a week in the hospital, slowly improving, Conor crashed. His lungs were having trouble holding up and he was given a mess of medications and was given and oxyhood to give him 100% oxygen. That experience scared me half to death. It was the first glimpse into the reality of how precious and important every day of recovery needs to be. One slip and it could all be over.  
  
Joey had gone back to the room about a half an hour ago, and I decided to call my mother.  
  
"Hey ma." I said wearily. "Oh, Pacey is everything alright, how are they, are they doing better?" It took a moment for me to answer. "Well, uh, today Conor had a meltdown." "He stopped breathing for a minute and they gave him all of these medications." I felt a pain in my throat as I tried to choke back tears. "Mom, I don't know what to do, this is too much for me I can't-" She cut me off, "Pacey, never say you can't." "Don't worry, Pacey because you know what, you have Joey, and the both of you can get through this together, because that was marriage is all about." I wiped my eyes and paused for a long time. She was exactly right, we could get through this.  
  
I drew in a deep breath, "Mom, we don't have any money." I whispered. "I don't- we barely were getting by before and now, with all the medical bills, it'll take a miracle to pay them all," I stopped as I heard my father's voice in the background." "Mary, who the hell are you talking to?" He blurted out. "Pacey, and John, and don't yell at me like that." I heard her yell back at him. "Pacey, what does he want?"  
  
I cringed at his words. "You know what mom, I'll just call you later, preferably when you're not distracted." "Oh, Pacey I'll pray for them." "Yeah, I'll talk to you later, bye." I ran through the conversation over again in my head as I sauntered back to the room. I hadn't even noticed the tears forming in my eyes. I walked inside and Joey was leaning against the bed her back facing me. She turned to me and we stared at each other for a second.  
  
For once in my life, I looked into her eyes, the eyes of my friend, the beautiful woman I had grown up with, and most importantly my wife, and I didn't know what to say. I couldn't find the words that would somehow turn this unpleasant situation into a good one. Instead, I looked deeper into her tear -stained eyes through my own, as I walked over to her and brought her close to me. She buried her face in my shoulder and let her tears soak through. At that time, it seemed we needed a miracle to get our sons healthy again.  
  
***  
  
Conor improved everyday. It brought a smile to my face knowing that he was getting stronger. But Ryan's condition worsened as the blood vessel reopened and, even with the drugs treating it, surgery was going to be the best answer, and it had to be soon.  
  
Joey and I seriously started talking about how we would handle our expenses. It tore her up inside, and it seemed there was no other clear answers to fix it. The phone calls with my mother became more frequent and the support of my father couldn't have been farther away. I felt like I was getting pulled down with the problems facing us, like they were draining me inside and It was hard to cope with.  
  
Ryan's surgery date inched closer and still there were no positive things coming out of our financial circumstances. One, early, rainy Sunday morning, I remember, something came over me and I realized that I had to go somewhere to be relieved of this pain around me.  
  
Without Joey's knowledge, I left. I just left and I had no particular place to go but some how I found myself at Boston Common. My hands started shaking as I sat in the pouring rain, which was invisible to me, and thought of nothing. The rain dripped down my face, the late September wind whipped my shirt, and I thought of nothing.  
  
To me, there was nothing to think of. I sat with an empty mind and a heavy heart for a long time.  
  
When I got back to the hospital around four, never expecting the news I was going to be hit with. Joey met me with a concerned look on her face and tears in her eyes. "Oh my God, Pacey where were you?" She hugged me. "I'm sorry but I had to go out somewhere to be alone, what's the matter?" She pulled away and looked at me. She half smiled at me, but tears were flowing down her face.  
  
"Pace, your mother called while you were gone and she said," Joey paused. "What, what did she say Jo, what's going on?" "She said that your father is going to pay for Ryan's surgery and some of the medical bills." "He said he'd pay, Pace." "I-" She started crying. "H-he is, a-are you sure I mean," I stuttered.  
  
"He called this morning and said that he felt it was the right thing to do." The information just passed to me had a hard time processing in my mind. My father, whose parenting abilities were as bad as Michael Jordan's baseball career, my father who ranked on me everyday of my adolescent life, my father, had just given me the biggest lift of my life.  
  
I stood shock for a while until I realized now what I had to do. "Joey, I- I have to go see him, now, tonight." "She nodded her head in agreement, "Go tell him thank you Pace, go talk to him."  
  
Before I left I visited Ryan and Conor and told them where I was going, as Ryan's small hand wrapped around my finger, I was overwhelmed with emotion as my father had finally done something so incredible and special for me.  
  
***  
  
I raced down 93, thankful that I had no run-ins with the law as I was breaking just about all of the traffic and speeding laws. I got to their house around six thirty, just as the sun was setting.  
  
I was going to let everything unfold and I had no idea what I would say to him. For some reason, when I walked up the steps tears formed in my eyes and I made no effort to wipe them away. I stood still as I rang the doorbell, I could hear my father's voice inside. "Ah, don't get up, I got it."  
  
My father was 54 years old, but at that moment he became one of my childhood friends. He opened the door, and I stood and looked at him, the tears still flowing down my face. Neither of us made any effort to move. I cleared my throat. I slowly walked toward him and put my hand on his shoulder.  
  
Then I did something I hadn't done for a long time, I hugged him. I cried, possibly the hardest in my life. "Thank you, oh god, thank you so much." I sobbed. I'm sorry for what I said I'm," "It's alright Pacey." I was never sure, but I think he started crying too.  
  
I hugged him for a long time and told him how he changed my life and how he was helping us so much. He said something I really needed to hear too, he said that everything was going to be all right. I pulled away from him and that is when it hit me, it was. It was and that instant lift of happiness sealed it because I already had everything I always wanted.  
  
That night was a big turning point to me and made me appreciate all that I had in my life and never take it for granted. 


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Sorry for not updating sooner. Oh, and uh, just a side note, Ryan and Conor are fraternal twins. Ok, last chapter, on with it!  
  
September 14, four years later. I woke up early in the morning and I noticed that Joey was not next to me. It wasn't unusual that she was up at seven-thirty on a Saturday morning.  
  
The sun shone onto my face and the last remaining birds that hadn't migrated were chirping outside. I knew what today was and remembered that I did go out last night to get the presents and...  
  
The door flung open and scared the crap out of me. "Daaaaaddy!" "Dad, Dad!" Uh, my wake up call had arrived. They jumped on top of me like a trampoline. "Uh!" "Hey watch it you're gonna hurt me." Ryan rolled over to me with his tasseled brown hair and toothy grin and whispered with a smile on his face, "Daddy, do you know what today is?" "What?" "What is today let's see, well today I have to go to work, and then I need to pick up the dry cleaning." "Oh wait, I know, today is Mommy's haircut right?" "Yeah that's it." I joked. "No!" They yelled in unison.  
  
Just then Joey poked her head in the doorway. I smiled at her and she smiled back. "Okay, I give up." "What is today?" "It's our birthday!" "Birthday!" They screamed louder. "That's right, how old are you today?" "Four." "Four years old." They each held up four fingers. "Well we're gonna have to start planning for college soon huh?"  
  
Joey walked over and sat down next to me on the bed. "Did you go and get the presents?" She whispered into my ear. "Yeah I got them, I just got home late." I whispered back. "What are you saying?' Ryan blurted out. "No secrets!" Conor said. "We don't have to tell you!" I mocked back. "Tell us!" "Tell us!" They jumped on top of us and got twisted around the covers as they wrestled us. Despite our efforts, they still won.  
  
***  
  
The party started around three and our friends and family arrived shortly after. The day seemed real to me as Ryan and Conor were now four years old. It seemed like yesterday, that after a long, stressful month in the hospital, we were taking them home for the first time. That was a scary time; having to watch them every minute of every second of every day to make sure that nothing went wrong.  
  
Then there were the heart melting and loving moments when I would have to carry one of them asleep on my shoulder, to the crib. Even the late night feedings and nightmares, and with every time I had to rock them to sleep, just gave me a high feeling that it was great to be alive.  
  
Right now, having almost lost them, there isn't a second that goes by when I don't think about how grateful I am and how amazing it feels when they call me 'Dad.'  
  
***  
  
The party was nice; it felt good to see our friends and family get together, especially my father.  
  
After he lent us the money for the medical bills, it was like our entire relationship was wiped away and he was a new person to me. Ryan and Conor love him. They get so excited when they hear about a weekend at Grandpa's. Maybe there's a cosmic connection, but every time I mention him, their faces light up.  
  
Everything was planned well. There were no crying episodes or meltdowns, and both of them got close to equal amounts of presents. My parents stayed a little longer for coffee while Ryan and Conor finagled with their new toys.  
  
The time flew by fast as I found myself laughing and enjoying my father's company. They left soon enough, and then the tired crying began and after 45 minutes of standoff, Ryan and Conor finally gave in and fell asleep. It was 9:00 by the time Joey and I could have some alone time.  
  
"They got a lot of nice presents huh?" Joey said. "Yeah, those remote control cars Bessie gave them are pretty cool." I answered. "It was nice talking to your parents." "Yeah, it was, wasn't it?" I said. "Do you have to work tomorrow?" Joey asked me. "No, I don't have to go back in until Tuesday." "Hm, maybe we can go somewhere tomorrow." She said. "Yeah, maybe, that'll be cool." I said.  
  
I yawned and Joey rested her head on my shoulder and sighed.  
  
We turned in around ten, our heavy eyes catching up to us. I was lying in bed awake, when a heard a noise outside of the hallway and Conor stuck his head in our room. I sat up, "Hey, buddy what's the matter?" I whispered. I got out of the bed quietly, as to not wake Joey and we walked out to the living room.  
  
We sat down on the couch and I asked him again. "What's the matter, did you have a bad dream?" I asked. He nodded his head as he hugged his teddy bear. "Here, slide down a bit." He sat closer next to me on the couch and I put my arm around him. "So, you had a bad dream huh?" Again, Conor nodded his head. "What was it about?" He paused for a minute. "A monster at preschool." "He was chasing me down the halls and it was dark and I was scared." He said. "Well, you guys have to stop watching so much TV." I said. "Hey, you know what I did when I had a bad dream?" He looked at me, "What?" "Well, I had a teddy bear too, just like Charlie here," I took his bear, "and if I had a bad dream then I would put my head under my pillow and hug him as tight as I could." "Because you know what?" "What?" "Monsters can't get you if you're tucked in the covers with your teddy bear." I whispered to him. "They can't?" Conor whispered back. "Nope, Charlie here, is your best defense."  
  
"You think you're gonna be alright now?" I asked him. "Can you come back and tuck me in?" I smiled at him, "Sure, let's go." We got up off the couch and walked down the hall into their room. "Be quiet, you don't want to wake up your brother."  
  
Conor crawled into his bed and I pulled the covers up tight on him. "Okay, where's Charlie?" "Right here." He whispered as he held him. "Alright, goodnight buddy." I kissed his forehead. "No more bad dreams okay?" He nodded back at me.  
  
I closed the door down and instead of going back to bed I walked back into the living room and sank onto the couch.  
  
When I was little, my father rarely tucked me in or read me a bedtime story or anything like that. I don't know if I was too hard for him or if he didn't like doing it, I never understood.  
  
Now, with things being so different between us, my father is telling me things he never did before like, what my mother sang to me at night, and what I was really like at Ryan and Conor's age. I forgave my father for the rough times he put me through and vowed that I would never do to that to my own children.  
  
I also guess it's true what they say, that the enemies in your life are just friends who don't get along with you. I will never forget what my father did for us in our time of need and I will never forget how good it felt to thank him for such an extraordinary act.  
  
Truly, the things in your life that are near and dear to you, will always be near and dear to you, no matter what your outlook of them may be.  
  
Thus, I end my story and I tell you that the rough relationships that may seem beyond repair, are not at all impossible to bring back.  
  
In your ongoing lives remember, that it is never too late to forgive the ones you love. 


End file.
